ocd is a rather hellish thing....i went for so long with it not bothering me but since that cruise it's been quite hard to keep from killing myself.....it's the whole no socialization that is really getting me but there's nothing to do about that... i have no gas money no clothes that actually fit anymore and ect ect ect.....i created a myspace account hoping that would help but every time i tried to look for people to contact i started getting anxious and had to quit and since i've never really been one to attract attention i haven't had anyone message me.........so some people are just meant to die alone.......i don't have the ability to die any other way i can't make friends and if i could i wouldn't be able to keep them due to my deteriorating social skills......oh well

Insomniac & paranoid
The night a constant blank void
Eyes exploding-full of blood
& your mind like shit & crud
Delirious & at the eve
With sanity taking its leave
You’ve got a bad feelin’
With you’re body rockin’ & reelin’
Shot down to hell
A feverish tale
Strung out on delusions
With timid confusion & self-allusion
Temptation a suicide to the mind
With truth and sensation running blind
Soul diffused and mesmerized
By the waking hours paralyzed

untitled II

Rationalized ideology slaughtered and rallied by humanity
Rough tactics and tyranny just perplexed vanity
Flowing through veins and washed up in minds
Burning distilled thoughts ran and corrupted blind
Corroding hysteria oppressive with vexation
Stuck in morality with mixed and crisscrossed fixation
Patterns of strife and euphoria manic in distress
With allied crisis soaking into their best
An honesty fictitious against alibis and hypocrisy
With tuition flattered and shattered by aristocracy
A hard road viewed as a sacrament
in control with its commandment

untitled I

A bruised tuition/ a mixed intention
Every move filled with tension
Alibis shallow and breathless
Whims and disgrace still deathless
Emotion and any easy excuse
With truth easy to abuse
Time taking its toll
As conscience leaves the soul
Pride an indiscretion
Like a forgotten lesson
Charcoal fate like a forgery
With no escape from memory
Timeless age on a blank page
And stranded on stage
Patterns unfold closer
Grotesque and grosser
With humiliation to sustain
Strife a misdirected pain
Struck through the heart
All dignity torn apart
Benefit and needs to haunt
With every thought of want
And cruelty creeping in
A sin coming in like a friend
And leaving like a foe
To all you know